Friday, October 29, 2010

Commitment Issues

I know it's kind of silly, but I have Commitment Issues.

November is Create Every Day Month. I'm preparing to commit to Create Every Day. Notice I still haven't actually said I committed? Yikes. Why am I hesitating? Here are a few reasons:
1. Fear of failure and its attendants
2. Fear of embarrassment
3. Laziness
4. Procrastination

Well, that's enough reasons for now. I'm going to explore these and see what's behind them.

Fear of Failure
I'm not really afraid to fail, but I sure don't like what follows: disappointment and disgust with myself. If I was as good at art as I am at self-loathing I'd be rich and famous by now. What's the solution to that? Maybe I don't want to solve it. Maybe it's not a problem but a tool. It's one of the tools I use to motivate myself. Uh, maybe it's not the best one, but it works.

I'm going to deal with this by heading into it instead of avoiding it. I hereby commit to consciously Create Every Day for the month of November. Notice I said 'consciously' create? We're all creating all the time. But I mean that I want to be mindful and choose my daily contribution.

I'll keep a list. I don't promise to blog about it every day. THAT's more than I'm willing to commit to.  

Fear of Embarrassment
So who am I going to be embarrassed in front of? I mean, if my friends read this, and they think I'm a dolt, will I be embarrassed? Yes. But more worrisome to me is the possibility that I'll miss a day, or a week, and be embarrassed about that.

I can either avoid telling my friends that I'm doing this C.E.D. thing, or I can pull up my big girl socks (you know what I mean) and Just Do It.

I'm going to do it. If you're reading this it's probably because I asked you to.
What needs to be said about laziness?

I just thought of something. Sometimes I call it laziness when it's actually taking a well-earned rest. Who says I have to be doing every waking moment? When do I take time to just be? Do I get to fill the well every now and then instead of always pouring it out? I don't want to feel guilty when I read or watch TV. It makes sense to decide how much self-time I'm going to allow every day.

I'll think about that tomorrow.


Chris said...

Great post Peg! I hear ya on the commitment issues, as I battle those myself.

Madeline said...

Well Peggy I can relate really well to your reasons not too! Be happy to follow and help in any way I can.

Peggy said...

Thanks C & M. Please help me stay on track. I really want to do this!

pupton said...

I am with you Peggy! I don't have a blog and I am pretty sure I can't (or won't) create every day. I think about it every day. Hmmmm...nope! Just can't commit!! I am taking 3 classes this month and Art of the Carolinas is right in the middle of it. So this is a big art month for me. Maybe after the month is over. If I create something every day, I will let you know!

Peggy said...

Hey Pat, it sounds like you're already doing it! Just start keeping a list of all the creative things you're already accomplishing.

judy said...

Peggy, you are always amazing me...where do you find the energy? I'm going to classes, trying to keep up with the business, and not sleeping enough! Create??? I don't have the genetics, but I will be watching and of luck to you on this, I know you will do wonderfully!

Peggy said...

Hi Judy,

Where do I find the energy? I'm not taking classes, not running much of a business, and I'm getting enough sleep. It's a lot easier for me right now. We can take turns, OK?

A.M. said...

You have achieved my ultimate goal--publishing a book. You are your own tough act to follow! :) I can relate to what you are saying, though I'm not sure whether my issue is commitment. It's more like paralysis and fear--don't know what to write about but have lots to say; not sure what to focus on. I will be interested in following your progress and your process as you break through this issue, and you will do it.

Peggy said...

A.M., paralysis and fear--yeah, I agree. I think it can all be lumped into one big resistance we feel when try to do something new and big. I imagine you're getting a bit of a taste of that right now. And of course, your achievement is incredible. I admire the heck outta you!

How about if we both give ourselves a little pat on the back?

AAAK! I can't believe I'm saying this :P

Bev said...

Commit and do your best...that is all you can ask of yourself because life is life...plain and simple! I will check in on you frequently and give you a shout out! *wink*

Terry Pitzel said...

I try to create evey day. sometimes it is not so grand. But I love to make something. Thank you so much for breaking it down for us all and to help us see how and why we do or don't create every day!