I know it's kind of silly, but I have Commitment Issues.
November is Create Every Day Month. I'm preparing to commit to Create Every Day. Notice I still haven't actually said I committed? Yikes. Why am I hesitating? Here are a few reasons:
1. Fear of failure and its attendants
2. Fear of embarrassment
Well, that's enough reasons for now. I'm going to explore these and see what's behind them.
Fear of Failure
I'm not really afraid to fail, but I sure don't like what follows: disappointment and disgust with myself. If I was as good at art as I am at self-loathing I'd be rich and famous by now. What's the solution to that? Maybe I don't want to solve it. Maybe it's not a problem but a tool. It's one of the tools I use to motivate myself. Uh, maybe it's not the best one, but it works.
I'm going to deal with this by heading into it instead of avoiding it. I hereby commit to consciously Create Every Day for the month of November. Notice I said 'consciously' create? We're all creating all the time. But I mean that I want to be mindful and choose my daily contribution.
I'll keep a list. I don't promise to blog about it every day. THAT's more than I'm willing to commit to.
Fear of Embarrassment
So who am I going to be embarrassed in front of? I mean, if my friends read this, and they think I'm a dolt, will I be embarrassed? Yes. But more worrisome to me is the possibility that I'll miss a day, or a week, and be embarrassed about that.
I can either avoid telling my friends that I'm doing this C.E.D. thing, or I can pull up my big girl socks (you know what I mean) and Just Do It.
I'm going to do it. If you're reading this it's probably because I asked you to.
What needs to be said about laziness?
I just thought of something. Sometimes I call it laziness when it's actually taking a well-earned rest. Who says I have to be doing every waking moment? When do I take time to just be? Do I get to fill the well every now and then instead of always pouring it out? I don't want to feel guilty when I read or watch TV. It makes sense to decide how much self-time I'm going to allow every day.
I'll think about that tomorrow.